Should we...?

[xxAshaxx]

My boyfriend (who is 14) and I feel ready to have sex - we have been togerther 2 years - but we aren't old enough legally. What do you suggest - Have sex, don't, oral sex, masturbate together... etc.

Thanx :victory:

P.S I'm 13

[Captain]

WELLL.... we really cant say "GO FUCK ... NOW" becuase that would be rude

Legally I would say wait but ... hrm.... it is really up to you. Just remember to be ready to accept ANYTHING that happens after that moment. Be ready to tell your parents you are prego. Be ready to go to court.

I'm not saying any of that will happen but remember when you are doing something illegal... you may never get caught and be able to run out of best buy with a 40" plasma.... or you will be caught. You need to accept what will happen beforehand.

I dont really know what to tell you. It is ultimately up to the both of you. I cannot leagally say go for it becuase... then I would be in legal hot water. Statistically most people are losing their virginity earlier and earlier. Anyone else?

[Rebelleader]

I believe you should wait. 14 is a young age, and not that age determins how mature you are, but you do get a better understanding of how things work. The law may say no, but they didn't put a lock and key on all the penis's and vagina's out there. It's really up to you.
Remember and think about these things:
what happeneds if, in the future, you two break up. How much more emotonally attached will you be to him?
What if all the forms of birth control fail? What would happen?
What if sex makes your relationship unconfertable?
Try answering all of thoes questions, and then make your mind :)
-Lee (that's right, I'm back)

WELLL.... we really cant say "GO FUCK ... NOW" becuase that would be rude

Legally I would say wait but ... hrm.... it is really up to you. Just remember to be ready to accept ANYTHING that happens after that moment. Be ready to tell your parents you are prego. Be ready to go to court.

I'm not saying any of that will happen but remember when you are doing something illegal... you may never get caught and be able to run out of best buy with a 40" plasma.... or you will be caught. You need to accept what will happen beforehand.

I dont really know what to tell you. It is ultimately up to the both of you. I cannot leagally say go for it becuase... then I would be in legal hot water. Statistically most people are losing their virginity earlier and earlier. Anyone else?

[jesustolemytacos]

go for it
mhm oyus.

[lcsoman0117]

if you feel you are ready, yes.

But think about all of the possible consequences first. Make sure you are 1000% ready first.

[Rebelleader]

And how do you know when your ready?
if you feel you are ready, yes.

But think about all of the possible consequences first. Make sure you are 1000% ready first.

[Forosnai]

And how do you know when your ready?
Exactly. Speaking from experience of doing it too early, there's a difference between wanting it and being ready for it. I wanted it, wasn't ready for it.

[Fenriz]

The fact you are unsure enough to ask us suggests to me you aren't really ready, and perhaps it would be best to wait.

[jjasonwrght]

Wait, simply because its better that way.

Plus, as others have said, you may be confusing readiness with wanting, and there IS a difference.

[Rebelleader]

The same happened to me, which is why I brought it up.
Exactly. Speaking from experience of doing it too early, there's a difference between wanting it and being ready for it. I wanted it, wasn't ready for it.

[PancakesXD]

I would move up like maybe touching? But I really dont think you should have sex yet. And if you end up having sex SAFE SEX!!!

[lcsoman0117]

good idea colt.

And thanks for pointing that out to me guys, never really thought about that.

[カナア＿ボオルムン]

I believe you should wait but if you are ready, have everything in order and are willing to take any consequences toghether than I would suggest you talk to a youth care worker see what else you can do to make it even safer and even after all that take it slowly.

[Rebelleader]

The safest sex is the kind you don't have.

[lcsoman0117]

The safest sex is the kind you don't have.

Point well made

[Jeromy]

I believe you should wait but if you are ready, have everything in order and are willing to take any consequences toghether than I would suggest you talk to a youth care worker see what else you can do to make it even safer and even after all that take it slowly.

thats a really good, idea, i would have been glad if someone had told me that when i was 13

[Jeromy]

is it really illegal to have sex if you're both around 14?

[カナア＿ボオルムン]

Sorry Jeromy but I believe that's quite early for sex. If you don't mind me asking what happened after?

[Jeromy]

Sorry Jeromy but I believe that's quite early for sex. If you don't mind me asking what happened after?

well, we did it about 5 times, we only used a condom 3 times so pretty much, she thought she was pregnant and told her family, whose reaction i think you can predict. She also asked her "friends" for help, who then told the rest of the school. She then found out she wasn't pregnant and we broke up from all the stress, and she has since moved to another city. I cant say i regret having sex, but i do regret not planning it out before hand

[lcsoman0117]

I would say stay on topic, but this could actually be a good example to the OP of the consequences.

[IAMSAM]

And how do you know when your ready?

This is an excellent question! (So I'll try to answer it).

When it comes to 'Firsts', it's hard to know exactly when it's time. Because you've never done it, you don't exactly have the prior experience to fall back on to help to assess it. So, what do you use?

I think you use *other* things, other skills and abilities, like an overall understanding of yourself and how you respond (or are most likely to respond) in a situation that stirs a lot of emotion, or intensifies relationships, etc. You sorta abstract your self understanding in situations that, although not the same, are likely to have a similar outcome. You might not know what sex is like, but you can probably guess that it results in a lot of intense emotion in yourself, and your partner. And you probably know how you respond to THAT. If you typically do OK with that, if you have a general sense that heightened emotions, and more intensity (from another person) are OK for you...then that's important info in determining your readiness. If, on the other hand, you find other people's demanding of you to be a bit bothersome, if you don't do well with intensity in general, then that's giving you important info, too.

I never win points for saying this, but sex really is best seen as an adult activity. That's b/c even though the *parts* are developed and the willingness certainly there, the emotional ability to tolerate......and even appreciate the additional intensity that most often accompanies mature sex.....takes more time to grow. The brain develops during puberty, too, but at a much slower pace. It's that discrepancy, btw'n the rapid growth of the 'nads and the slower growth of the brain, that causes so many problems for young 'uns who respond more to the physical desire rather than the (mental) maturity required to fully appreciate the emotional component of sex.

[Rebelleader]

Lol I was asking it as a question to all teens who haven't had sex.

[Citrus]

This is an excellent question! (So I'll try to answer it).

When it comes to 'Firsts', it's hard to know exactly when it's time. Because you've never done it, you don't exactly have the prior experience to fall back on to help to assess it. So, what do you use?

I think you use *other* things, other skills and abilities, like an overall understanding of yourself and how you respond (or are most likely to respond) in a situation that stirs a lot of emotion, or intensifies relationships, etc. You sorta abstract your self understanding in situations that, although not the same, are likely to have a similar outcome. You might not know what sex is like, but you can probably guess that it results in a lot of intense emotion in yourself, and your partner. And you probably know how you respond to THAT. If you typically do OK with that, if you have a general sense that heightened emotions, and more intensity (from another person) are OK for you...then that's important info in determining your readiness. If, on the other hand, you find other people's demanding of you to be a bit bothersome, if you don't do well with intensity in general, then that's giving you important info, too.

I never win points for saying this, but sex really is best seen as an adult activity. That's b/c even though the *parts* are developed and the willingness certainly there, the emotional ability to tolerate......and even appreciate the additional intensity that most often accompanies mature sex.....takes more time to grow. The brain develops during puberty, too, but at a much slower pace. It's that discrepancy, btw'n the rapid growth of the 'nads and the slower growth of the brain, that causes so many problems for young 'uns who respond more to the physical desire rather than the (mental) maturity required to fully appreciate the emotional component of sex.

God damn, who is this guy? Jesus? I love all his/her posts! They're so good. ^_^

[xxAshaxx]

What about oral sex? Is that OK? x thnx

[welshtaffy]

Oral sex would be a different way of looking at it, but should you be thinking about sex at all at your age? To me you don't seem happy about it, is this your idea or your borfriends?

[IAMSAM]

What about oral sex? Is that OK? x thnx

What about oral sex?

We can't determine what would be OK for you, only you can do that. I think it's telling that you have to ask, though. Usually, when people feel confident in their own judgements they don't have that nagging need to ask others, which is in effect, seeking permission.

Also noteworthy in your questions here is a lack of any desire, you don't seem too enthusiastic about sex. You're not saying you're horny, and you're not saying that you've found the love of your life and feel that you want to share yourself with him. So, I have to assume that you're either getting some pressure from him, or you feel obligated in some way to do *something*, if only to keep him as a b/f.

If that's more accurate, that you're doing it for *other* reasons, I'd strongly encourage you to wait. Sex is very personal and very intimate, think for a moment about what it is exactly. You have to live with yourself not only after you complete the act, but down the road when the relationship ends. Sex is about emotions, and not just his.

[Rebelleader]

What about oral sex?

Also noteworthy in your questions here is a lack of any desire, you don't seem too enthusiastic about sex. You're not saying you're horny, and you're not saying that you've found the love of your life and feel that you want to share yourself with him. So, I have to assume that you're either getting some pressure from him, or you feel obligated in some way to do *something*, if only to keep him as a b/f.

one reason why? Curiosity.