Joke of the Week

[Croc'n'loz]

A groggy guy who smelled of body odour and booze sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes his glance turned toward the priest and he asked,

"Can you tell me Father, what causes the pain and suffering of arthritis?"

The priest replied, "My Son, it's caused by general loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and," he sniffed tightly, "lack of a bath."

Stung by this reply, the drunk slumped in his seat, muttering, "Well, I'll be damned," Then returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope has it."

<!-- s:D --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" title="Very Happy" /><!-- s:D --> <!-- s:D --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" title="Very Happy" /><!-- s:D --> <!-- s:D --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" title="Very Happy" /><!-- s:D --> <!-- s:D --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" title="Very Happy" /><!-- s:D --> <!-- s:D --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" title="Very Happy" /><!-- s:D --> <!-- s:D --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" title="Very Happy" /><!-- s:D -->

[child_of_the_damned]

Jokes that involve religion are always amusing!

[Croc'n'loz]

In the early 1960s, a Sydney based Methodist minister receives a telegram (yes, that was the cutting edge technology then!) telling him to come immediately to Melbourne to discuss Church business.

Of course no-one flew in those days, so he booked the first seat he could arrange on an overnight train from Sydney Central station to Melbourne, a trip of approximately 12 hours, leaving at midnight.

The train carriages were 8 seater compartments, with a common walkway down one side. He found a seat in the corner of his allotted compartment, and, of course, began reading his well-thumbed copy of John Wesley's Journal.

At about 3am there was a noise outside in the corridor, a man was walking from compartment to compartment knocking on each door and asking the people inside a question. When he got to the Methodist's compartment, he slid open the door and asked

"Is there a Catholic priest amongst you?"

Everyone shook their heads and he went on. About 15 minutes later, he returned, this time a little more agitated, and repeated the question to every compartment. 10 minutes later, he came back again, this time looking incredibly fazed and paniccy.

Our Methodist decided it would be the right thing to do to offer succour and assistance in any way he could. So when the man frantically asked his question, the minister replied

"My son, I have been an ordained Methodist minister for almost 30 years. There is no Catholic priest on board, but can I be of any assistance to your obviously urgent need?"

The guy fixed him with the most contemptuous of stares, and said

"Well you'd be flamin useless mate, what we're looking for is a corkscrew"

[Fenriz]

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. On this particular day, the teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the body went to heaven first.

One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God."

The teacher praises the little girl as a little boy raises his hand. He says, "I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all about love."

"Very good," said the teacher. The teacher looked up and saw Little Johnny's hand up. "Oh no," she thought, "I'm not gonna like this. "Little Johnny, which part of the body do you think goes to heaven first?" Little Johnny thinks for a minute and says, "Your feet." The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven first.

He replied, "Well, I was walking past my parents' bedroom last night and my mom had her feet up in the air and she said, 'Oh God, I'm coming!', but fortunately Dad was on top of her holding her down

[Captain]

I have one ..i guess it is a sex joke...

a mother and father had a son. They named him humper. Humper really liked the most beautiful girl in the school. One day the teacher told him and the girl her liked to stay after and clean up a bit. When everyone was out of the room humper pushed the girl against a desk and told her to undress or he would kill her. She was scared half to death...so she undressed. He did the same. He started having sex (raping) her and as he did this his parents heard the girl screaming down the hall. They ran to the classroom they were in. They screamed "HUMPER, HUMPER!!" Humper looked up at them still raping her and he scream "I'M TRYING!!!"

Imagine I heard that from a girl in my school in ... i beleive second or third grade ... lol

I have others that i still remember like that lol.

P.S. RAPE IS BAD!!!

[Croc'n'loz]

bad Cap....naughty Cap......

[Croc'n'loz]

So little Johnny is at school (yep, same little johnny...the kids famous!) and his long-suffering teacher is explaining pronunciation and speech impediments to the class.

She is fairly happy that today she has gotten right through the required material and not once has she been interrupted by little Johnny. She just knew her good luck could not last, of course..........

She concludes her presentation on stuttering, with "And humans are the only species in the world who can stutter"

"Not true" says little Johnny. There is an air of expectancy amongst the class as they await the exchange between teacher and L J

Oh, so you have heard an animal stutter Johnny?" asks the teacher, knowing she will regret it

"Yeah, sure" he replies. "Our cat was lying on the sofa, and the dog came in and tried to climb up to. The cat arched it's back and went 'Fffffffffff...... Ffffffffff....' but before it could get out 'Fuck off' the dog had lost interest and wandered off."

[Croc'n'loz]

Bono, the lead singer of the band, U2, is famous throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous. At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds.

Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

A voice, with a broad Scottish accent, from the front of the crowd, pierces the quiet .............

"Well, stop foockin' doin' it then !!"

True story!

[Captain]

lol
funny cute scots <!-- s:D --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" title="Very Happy" /><!-- s:D -->

[Fenriz]

lol, he asked for that...

[Croc'n'loz]

Sometimes you just do not want that little hyphen in there!

[Croc'n'loz]

Some more.....

[Croc'n'loz]

Final three. Stupid site will only allow 3 attachments at any time!!

[child_of_the_damned]

lol it's about time we had some form of amusement from you!!! Thank you Croc.

[Fenriz]

how I've missed ur terrible sense of humor <!-- s:P --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_razz.gif" alt=":P" title="Razz" /><!-- s:P -->

[Croc'n'loz]

Imagine being Mrs Busch-Rash? hehe hehe hehe

[Croc'n'loz]

Okay, did Phillip fart or not? Look at Liz's expression in the third one hehe hehe

[Croc'n'loz]

Bad Jokes rawk!!!!


BACON TREE

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and
close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for
the inevitable, when all of a sudden. ......

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon I is sure of eet"

"Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee".

So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, In the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon...every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Eees a bacon tree".

"Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the Desert don't forget"

"Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smeell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree".

And with that ....Luis Races towards the tree. he gets to within 5 metres,
Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up,and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but. true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.

"Pepe...go back man,you was right ees not a bacon tree"

"Luis Luis mi amigo...what ees it?

"Pepe...ees not a bacon tree..


Ees.......


Ees.......


Ees......


.........Eees a Ham Bush."

[child_of_the_damned]

I showed my mother the pictures of the royal family, that even made her giggle.

Great work Croc!!!

[Croc'n'loz]

Laughing baby.....watch this kid laugh and see if you can not laugh yourself hehe

<!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="http://youtube.com/watch?v=Mh9go-uDwFs">http://youtube.com/watch?v=Mh9go-uDwFs</a><!-- m -->

[child_of_the_damned]

lol I like that one. My friend showed me that one ages ago. My mother said that I used to randomly do that. Babies are so annoying!

[Fenriz]

wow lol, he is almost as easy to make laugh as i am <!-- s:P --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_razz.gif" alt=":P" title="Razz" /><!-- s:P -->

[child_of_the_damned]

We demand more jokes, Croc!!! <!-- s:D --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" title="Very Happy" /><!-- s:D -->

[Fenriz]

I'll have a crack for once...

What is the difference between inlaws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted...

[child_of_the_damned]

CROC COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fenriz is trying to be funny!!! lol <!-- s:D --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" title="Very Happy" /><!-- s:D -->

[Fenriz]

*is shocked* you don't like my humor? <!-- s:P --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_razz.gif" alt=":P" title="Razz" /><!-- s:P -->

[child_of_the_damned]

lol <!-- s:oops: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_redface.gif" alt=":oops:" title="Embarrassed" /><!-- s:oops: --> -runs-

[Fenriz]

ok sorry, I'll just stick to the advice, and let Croc deal with the humor...<!-- s:P --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_razz.gif" alt=":P" title="Razz" /><!-- s:P -->

(croc thts ur cue)

[tt16]

maybe we all should post a random joke

[Croc'n'loz]

From the "it-could-only-happen-in-America" files:

[Croc'n'loz]

Optical illusion....it took me half an hour to see the boat though...

[Captain]

pushin it a bit <!-- s;) --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_wink.gif" alt=";)" title="Wink" /><!-- s;) --> im gay so it has no effect on me <!-- s:D --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" title="Very Happy" /><!-- s:D -->

[Fenriz]

no effect at all? wow...

[Croc'n'loz]

no effect at all? wow...

Not everyone gets as excited about boats as you do Fez!!!

[Captain]

yea, im as straight as a cork screw <!-- s;) --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_wink.gif" alt=";)" title="Wink" /><!-- s;) -->

[child_of_the_damned]

Where are the new jokes, Croc???

[Croc'n'loz]

I got to try to learn how to use this new site!

[The Mage]

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks. After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained.

"Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church. Then he asks the middle aged couple the same question

"Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church. Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.

"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me!"

"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"

"That's okay," says the husband, "We were banned from the supermarket, too."

Hehe :P

[child_of_the_damned]

I got to try to learn how to use this new site!


Me too! There are so many different symbols for different things. So much to learn...but you have to love the smilies! :Jumpy::Lighten::hypno: WOO!

[child_of_the_damned]

I love dirty jokes...especially ones that involve religion!!

[Croc'n'loz]

sorry, neither dirty nor involving religion (oh, and its not OUR Captain speaking.....)

[attachment=3]

[tt16]

holy shit, lol

[The Mage]

lol...
:P

[Croc'n'loz]

A Scotsman walking through a field, sees a man drinking water from a pool with his hand.

The Scotsman shouts " Awa ye feel hoor thatâs full Oâ coos Sharn"
(Don't drink the water, it's full of cow shit.)

The man shouts back "I'm English! Speak English, I don't understand you".

The Scotsman shouts back "Use both hands, you'll get more in."






Delete Reply Forward Spam Move...

[The Mage]

ROFLMFAO

[Croc'n'loz]

COI, the most needed insurance in the US!

http://www.brightcove.com/title.jsp?title=823359685

hehehe hehehe

[The Mage]

Hahahaha!

[child_of_the_damned]

Where on earth do you find these, Croc?

[Captain]

wow 0.o thats friggen SWEET!

[Croc'n'loz]

Where on earth do you find these, Croc?


I got friends in lowwwww places :evil:

[child_of_the_damned]

lol I'm sure they would just love you saying that about them! hehe

[Fenriz]

"I got friends in lowwwww places" that is croc for I have no friends and spend ages on the net looking for things to cheer me up :P nah, probably gets them in emails from mates, thats where most of my jokes come from.

[Croc'n'loz]

Uh-huh, uh-huh, and this would be an example of what ur friends send to you Fez?


I'll have a crack for once...
What is the difference between inlaws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted...

[Fenriz]

no lol, that was off a terrible TV show...

[Croc'n'loz]

Cap gets a part-time jobhttp://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t100/loz54au/ado2Bhandlotion.jpg

http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t100/loz54au/heller.gif

http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t100/loz54au/bousquet_atheist.jpg

Fez goes doorknocking
http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t100/loz54au/bizarro_atheists.jpg

[Captain]

vary nice :D

[Fenriz]

lol, I like the second one...

[Fenriz]

thought i might take another shot after hearing this joke...

Two sperm are swimming in a women's body.

One sperm says to the other in exhaustion, "Whew, just how far is the uterus anyway?"

The second sperm begins to laugh and says, "The uterus!? We just past the esophogus." :bleh::laughing1:

[The Mage]

thought i might take another shot after hearing this joke...

Two sperm are swimming in a women's body.

One sperm says to the other in exhaustion, "Whew, just how far is the uterus anyway?"

The second sperm begins to laugh and says, "The uterus!? We just past the esophogus." :bleh::laughing1:

lol
Yeah nice , I have heard the greek version before, i didn't know it existed in english as well :P
cool

[Fenriz]

humor is international :)

[Fenriz]

ok croc u asked about the kind of emails I got, here is a clean one:

Actual call centre conversations !!!!!

Customer: "I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get
through to enquiries, can you help?".
Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".
Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Samsung Electronics
Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking
about".
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly
states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and
telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".
----------------------------------------------------------------------
RAC Motoring Services
Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am
travelling in Australia ?"
Operator: " Doesn't the product name give you a clue?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ):
"If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel
to the other side of the car?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Directory Enquiries
Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in
Cardiff please".
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling
correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar
but the 'B' fell off".
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in
Scotland".
----------------------------------------------------------------------
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box
told a worried operator:
"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number
on".
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
Customer: "OK".
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?".
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
this point?".
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote
'click'".
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen,
can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised
that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my
file back again?".
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------
There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a
long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is
a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a
recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the
Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word
Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I
know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden
the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the
screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept
anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a
TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find
where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great . Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if
it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that
there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again
and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely
into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh.. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean
way over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle -
it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light
I have is coming in from the window.
" Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it
licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer
came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it
up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you
bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell
them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!!!!!"

[Croc'n'loz]

hehe, hehe :lol: :laughing1:

although I've said some of those things about 'puters

[Fenriz]

yay! lol no comment about my terrible jokes, maybe I should do this more often :P

[Croc'n'loz]

NATAL (SOUTH AFRICA) CURRY CONTEST

For those of you who have lived in Natal , South Africa, you will know how typical this is. They actually have a Curry Cook-off competition about June/July. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Royal Show in PMB.

Judge #3 was an inexperienced food critic named Frank, who was visiting from America.

Frank: "Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a Curry Cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Beer Garden when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Natal Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted".

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CURRY # 1 - SEELAN'S MANIAC MONSTER TOMATO CURRY...

Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge # 2 -- Nice smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.

Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These people are crazy.


CHILI #2 - PHOENIX BBQ CHICKEN CURRY...

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of chicken. Slight chilli tang.

Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre! They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.


CURRY # 3 - SHAMILA'S FAMOUS "BURN DOWN THE GARAGE" CURRY...

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse curry. Great kick.

Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of chilli peppers.

Judge # 3 -- Call 911. I've located a uranium pill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drain Cleaner. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting pissed from all the beer.


CHILI # 4 - BABOO'S BLACK MAGIC BEAN CURRY...

Judge # 1 -- Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a curry.

Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Shareen, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 200kg woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?


CHILI # 5 LALL'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2 -- Average beef curry, could use more tomato. Must admit the chilli peppers make a strong statement.

Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chilli had given me brain damage. Shareen saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my
lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.


CHILI # 6 - VERISHNEE'S VEGETARIAN VARIETY...

Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of spices and peppers.

Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic.
Superb.

Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I am definitely going to shit myself if I fart and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Shareen. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass
with a snow cone ice-cream.


CHILI # 7 - SELINA'S "MOTHER-IN-LAW'S-TONGU E" CURRY...

Judge # 1 -- A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chilli peppers at the last moment. (I should take note at this stage that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably).

Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At
least, during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing - it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.


CHILI # 8 - NAIDOO'S TOENAIL CURLING CURRY...

Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending. This is a nice blend curry. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced curry. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself.
Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor man, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot curry?

Judge # 3 - No Report.

[Fenriz]

lol, not man enough to take a good curry, tut tut :P

[Croc'n'loz]

you ever had a veggie curry Fez?

[Fenriz]

I have yes, but not a very strong one, I don't like curries all that much, but I do love spicy food :)

[child_of_the_damned]

lol I miss the lame jokes from Croc and Fez. What would we do without them....

[Fenriz]

continue your dull meaningless lives with one less smile on ur face :P

[Croc'n'loz]

Petition to revoke the independence of the United States of America

To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.

Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

Your new Prime Minister (The Right Honourable Gordon Brown MP, for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.

The House of Representatives and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'; skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters.

You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."

You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.

Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up “vocabulary." Using the same thirty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "uhh", "like", and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

Look up "interspersed."

There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary, then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier).

You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents --- Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.

While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters.

British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness. Popular British films such as the Italian Job and the Wicker Man should never be remade.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football." There are other types of football such as Rugby, Aussie Rules & Gaelic football. However proper football - which will no longer be known as soccer, is the best known, most loved and most popular. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.

The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.

Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).

We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2008.

You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of North America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. The 4th of July is no longer a public holiday. The 2nd of November will be a new national holiday, but only in Britain. It will be called "Indecisive Day."

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call 'French fries' are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.

Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling "beer" is not actually beer at all, it is lager . From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine." This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in the Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From the 10th of November the UK will harmonise petrol (or "gasoline," as you will be permitted to keep calling it until the 1st of April) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon -- get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation.

WHAT CAN YOU SAY ABOUT A WORLD THAT THINKS ELVIS IS ALIVE AND GOD IS DEAD? ?

[attachment=26]

[Fenriz]

I like it very nice :P about time to :P
"2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize." is sooooo true, stupid microsoft...

[Croc'n'loz]

The airliner pushed back from the gate; the flight attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts, etc ..

Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to your destination."

Ed, sitting in the eighth row, thought to himself, "Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?"

When the attendant came by with the drinks cart he said, "Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?"

"Yes," said the attendant, "In fact, this entire crew is female."

"My Goodness" said Ed, "I'd better have two scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think, with only women up there in the cockpit."

"That's another thing sir," said the attendant,"We No Longer Call it The Cock Pit."

"It's now called The Box Office."

[Croc'n'loz]

The questions below are from potential visitors to Australia. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour. Kings Cross is a section of Sydney with a lot of 'red light' areas *ahem* *blush* :redface:

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?(USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?(Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?(USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?(Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

[Fenriz]

"A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking."

I so want one of those... :P much more interesting than Koala bears, they just sleep...

[Croc'n'loz]

Koala bears, they just sleep...

One peed on me once......

[Captain]

but they are cute... we have a sloth at the zoo... now hun, those are quite a bore ... It likes to sleep in an open section of vent int he rain forest exhibit :D

[Croc'n'loz]

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/74

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/33f2687080

[Croc'n'loz]

A father asks his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know," the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me."

Confused, the father asked what was wrong.

The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny'
speech.

At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech.

When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.

If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for."

[Croc'n'loz]

hmmm, looks a bit prickly.......

Came with this title:

Envoi de laurent, que je remercie

http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t100/loz54au/17926356.jpg

[Croc'n'loz]

Davenport underwear advert, hehe

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_zuwfUjrQI

[Croc'n'loz]

There will be a federal election at the end of this year, and the Howard government is calling for responses to its newly revised Citizenship test. See what you think, and let me know if there are any questions which I may be able to clarify

2008 Australian Citizenship test


1. Do you understand the meaning, but are unable to explain the origin of, the term 'died in the arse'?

___________________________________
2. What is a “bloody little beauty”?
___________________________________
3. Are these terms related: chuck a sickie; chuck a spaz; chuck a U-ey?
___________________________________
4. Explain the following passage: 'In the arvo last Chrissy the relos rocked up for a barbie, some bevvies and a few snags. After a bit of a Bex and a lie down we opened the pressies, scoffed all the chockies, bickies and lollies. Then we drained a few tinnies and Mum did her block after Dad and Steve had a barney and a bit of biffo.'
__________________________________

5. Macca, Chooka and Wanger are driving to Surfers in their Torana. If they are travelling at 100 km/h while listening to Barnsey, Farnsey and Acca Dacca, how many slabs will each person on average consume between flashing a brown eye and having a slash?
___________________________
6. Complete the following sentences:
a) 'If the van's rockin' don't bother ?
b) You're going home in the back of a ?
c) Fair crack of the ?
_________________________________
7. I've had a gutful and I can't be fagged. Discuss
__________________________________
8. Have you ever been on the giving or receiving end of a wedgie?
__________________________________
9. Do you have a friend or relative who has a car in their front yard 'up on blocks'? Is his name Bruce and does he have a wife called Cheryl?
__________________________________

10. Does your family regularly eat a dish involving mincemeat, cabbage, curry powder and a packet of chicken noodle soup called either chow mein, chop suey or kai see ming?
__________________________________
11. What are the ingredients in a rissole?
__________________________________
12. Demonstrate the correct procedure for eating a Tim Tam.
__________________________________
13. Do you have an Aunty Irene who smokes 30 cigarettes a day and sounds like a bloke?
__________________________________
14. In any two-hour period have you ever eaten three-bean salad, a chop and two serves of pav washed down with someone else's beer that has been flogged from a bath full of ice?
__________________________________
15. When you go to a bring- your-own-meat barbie can you eat other people's meat or are you only allowed to eat your own?
__________________________________
16. What purple root vegetable beginning with the letter 'b' is required by law to be included in a hamburger with the lot?
__________________________________

17. Do you own or have you ever owned a lawn mower, a pair of thongs, an Esky or Ugg boots?
__________________________________
18. Is it possible to 'prang a car' while doing 'circle work'?
__________________________________
19. Who would you like to crack on to?
__________________________________
20. Who is the most Australian: Kevin 'Bloody' Wilson, John 'True Blue' Williamson, Kylie Minogue or Warnie?
__________________________________
21. Is there someone you are only mates with because they own a trailer or have a pool?
_________________________________
22. What does “sinkin piss at a mates joint” and “getten para” mean?

[Captain]

hun all the aussi i know is from random movies like "the rescuers down under" and the music video from "land down under - men at work"

[Croc'n'loz]

hmmmm...I may have to provide a glossary of frequently used terms and interactive notation of explanatory terms

[Captain]

"how to speak croc-a-neese: form of aussi english"

[Croc'n'loz]

2008 Australian Citizenship test

1. Do you understand the meaning, but are unable to explain the origin of, the term 'died in the arse'?
To 'die in the arse' means to have broken down irrepairably, and is usually referring to machinery, but can be used metaphorically in refernece to people, eg 'the band died in the arse before their last song'

2. What is a “bloody little beauty”?
This is a high form of praise, meaning something is excellent

3. Are these terms related: chuck a sickie; chuck a spaz; chuck a U-ey?
No, they are not related:
Chuck a sickie - pretend to be unwell to get out of skool, sport, uni, an engagement;
Chuck a spaz - to react wildly to a situation (spaz is short for spastic)
Chuck a U-ey - to make a U-turn in one's vehicle.

4. Explain the following passage: 'In the arvo last Chrissy the relos rocked up for a barbie, some bevvies and a few snags. After a bit of a Bex and a lie down we opened the pressies, scoffed all the chockies, bickies and lollies. Then we drained a few tinnies and Mum did her block after Dad and Steve had a barney and a bit of biffo.'
Here is a rough translation:
In the afternoon last Christmas, the relatives arrived for a barbecue, some drinks and a few sausages. After a rest, we opened the presents, and ate all of the chocalates, biscuits and sweets. Then we drank a few beers and mother lost her temper after father and Steve (unidentified male relative) had an argument and a fist-fight

5. Macca, Chooka and Wanger are driving to Surfers in their Torana. If they are travelling at 100 km/h while listening to Barnsey, Farnsey and Acca Dacca, how many slabs will each person on average consume between flashing a brown eye and having a slash?
Three Oz males are driving to Surfers Paradise (Qld) in their motor vehicle. If they are travelling at 100 kilometers per hour whilst listening to Jimmy Barnes, John Farnham and AC/DC, how many cartons of 24 beer cans will each person on average consume between exposing their bare bottom out of the window and urinating?

6. Complete the following sentences:
a) 'If the van's rockin' don't bother ?
b) You're going home in the back of a ?
c) Fair crack of the ?
a) If the van's rockin' don't bother knockin' (a couple are probably in flagrante in the back of the van)
b) You're going home in the back of a ute (a utility, used mainly to transport livestock)
c) Fair crack of the whip (a request for a fair go)

7. I've had a gutful and I can't be fagged. Discuss
My patience has been completely expended and I can no longer care less about a given situation

8. Have you ever been on the giving or receiving end of a wedgie?
I'm guessing this is fairly well known in most countries? A wedgie is when one's underwear is pulled upwards, such that it wedges in ones bottie *ahem* An atomic wedgie is when the elastic waistband reaches over the subjects head (rarley achieved, at least not with live people)

9. Do you have a friend or relative who has a car in their front yard 'up on blocks'? Is his name Bruce and does he have a wife called Cheryl?
Oz shows like Neighbours seem always to feature people with those names, often also having a motor vehicle with its wheels removed and suspended above ground on blocks (usually bricks)

10. Does your family regularly eat a dish involving mincemeat, cabbage, curry powder and a packet of chicken noodle soup called either chow mein, chop suey or kai see ming?
For many years, this was the Oz take on Chinese or Asain food

11. What are the ingredients in a rissole?
The humble Ozzie rissole is mainly just minced meat, often mixed with breadcrumbs, formed into patties and grilled, barbecued or fried, and eaten with large dobs of tomato sauce. Here is a gourmet version:

1 kilogram of prime mince
1 onion finely chopped
1 egg
2 cloves of garlic
Liberal sprinkle of powered oregano
1/4 tsp powered ginger
A dash of mixed herbs
A dash of hamburger flavouring
1 tbs sweet chilli sauce
Soy, honey and garlic marinade
Tomato sauce

Combine all the ingredients, but do not go overboard with the liquid ingredients as they will make the rissole mixture too sloppy.

Roll the mixture into balls using a tablespoon and cook on a hot barbeque for two minutes each side.

The best way to eat them is between two slices of fresh bread and doused with tomato sauce.

12. Demonstrate the correct procedure for eating a Tim Tam.
The tim-tam is an Oz chocolate biscuit, created and still made by an equally iconic Oz company, Arnott's Biscuits. Often both ends of the biscuit are bitten off and coffee or hot chocolate is sucked using the remaining biscuit as a straw. The biscuit becomes drenched with the fluid and dissolves in the mouth. Mmmmmmm. See:

http://www.arnotts.com.au/products/TimTam.aspx

13. Do you have an Aunty Irene who smokes 30 cigarettes a day and sounds like a bloke?
hehe, not an occurrence limited to Oz

14. In any two-hour period have you ever eaten three-bean salad, a chop and two serves of pav washed down with someone else's beer that has been flogged from a bath full of ice?
A typical suburban party scenario: in lieu of refrigeration space, often a home's bathtub would be filled with ice and beer and other drinks placed there-in to be kept cold. The placement of any drinks there-in automatically makes them 'common property' to be enjoyed by all who happen along.

A pav is the Oz dessert, the pavlova, named after the famed ballerina for whom it was created by an Oz chef during her final tour. For the dessert, see:

http://www.aussie-info.com/identity/food/pavlova.php

For the ballerina Anna Pavlova (1881-1931) see:

http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=1380

15. When you go to a bring- your-own-meat barbie can you eat other people's meat or are you only allowed to eat your own?
At any bring-your-own gathering, someone else always seems to bring something far more yummy than you have done. The correct answer is therefore, yes, you can eat anything so long as no-one else catches you so doing

16. What purple root vegetable beginning with the letter 'b' is required by law to be included in a hamburger with the lot?

Oz-tralians seem the only people in the world who love beetroot on their hamburgers. A burger 'with the lot' usually includes additions like beetroot, pineapple, cheese and a fried egg

17. Do you own or have you ever owned a lawn mower, a pair of thongs, an Esky or Ugg boots?
Iconic Ozzie items:

Lawn mower - found in every Oz suburban home;

Thongs - no Cap, these are for the feet, see:

http://www.wompro.com/catalogue/category1018/c1296/c1297

Esky - a portable ice chest for keeping fluids cool, especially used when you have to leave the house (eg going down to your shed; washing the car; going on a picnic or to a sporting event) see:

http://www.nylex.com.au/esky/index.htm

Ugg boots - soft shoes made from sheepskin, worn wool-side inwards during winter for warmth, see:

http://www.australianuggboots.com.au/?gclid=CNHqsJCan48CFRctagodLka-eg

18. Is it possible to 'prang a car' while doing 'circle work'?
Re-phrasing the question, 'Is it possible to be involved in a car accident whilst driving around a designated course?'

See http://www.abc.net.au/rural/sa/stories/s484189.htm

19. Who would you like to crack on to?
Which person (invariably of the opposite generic persuasion) are you interested in taking out? (Note: there is no one, correct answer to these sorts of questions)

20. Who is the most Australian: Kevin 'Bloody' Wilson, John 'True Blue' Williamson, Kylie Minogue or Warnie?
All fairly iconic Oz performers or sports-persons (again no one, correct answer here)

Kevin 'Bloody' Wilson:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXG06pg2_dY

John Williamson:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHQG-nQX1ek

Kylie Minogue:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JziO21iwcxk

Shane Warne:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfZgFi9Q9gc

21. Is there someone you are only mates with because they own a trailer or have a pool?
Fairly self-explanatory, grooming a 'friendship' for what you can personally get out of it

22. What does “sinkin piss at a mates joint” and “getten para” mean?
These terms are related, but not necessarily identical. The first refers to imbibing in several drinks at a friend's place, and (often) leads on to the second, which refers to getting so drunk you are unable to move (para meaning paralytic)

Man, this took forever to do!!

[Croc'n'loz]

sometimes smaller IS better

http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t100/loz54au/Sometimessmallerisbetter.jpg

[Fenriz]

lol, nice...

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/centrifugal_force.png

I wonder how many of you will find that funny :)

[Croc'n'loz]

perhaps if there was a bit more, you know.............arse and tits mebbe? Or crushed vehicles perhaps?

[Fenriz]

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/thoughts.png
maybe that will be more to your liking :P

[Croc'n'loz]

hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe
hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe
hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe
hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe
hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe
hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe
hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe, hehehe

[Captain]

lol both were great lol

[Fenriz]

lol, why did I know that would would appeal to croc more :P

[Croc'n'loz]

Only...you know...........a teensy bit more..................

[Croc'n'loz]

Oh yeah this is perfectly safe

http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t100/loz54au/01.jpg

Of course spray painting on your house will increase its value

http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t100/loz54au/02.jpg

Surely there was another way to word this?

http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t100/loz54au/03.jpg

For some unknown reason, Misty never felt she really fitted in with her other Goth friends

http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t100/loz54au/04.jpg

The lil' smiley face is a nice touch, don't you think?

http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t100/loz54au/05.jpg

It's so great how no one else has noticed his presence

http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t100/loz54au/06.jpg

Okay some things are just wrong

http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t100/loz54au/07.jpg

And suddenly, it all went silent in the news room

http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t100/loz54au/08.jpg

[Captain]

lol those are all great and i love it lol

[Fenriz]

lol, all great...

[Croc'n'loz]

http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t100/loz54au/01-2.jpg

http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t100/loz54au/02-2.jpg

http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t100/loz54au/03-2.jpg

http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t100/loz54au/04-2.jpg

http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t100/loz54au/05-2.jpg

http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t100/loz54au/06-2.jpg

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[Fenriz]

lol, ninjas do indeed beat pirates :P

[Croc'n'loz]

The User's Guide to Ozzie Slang

A
Ace! : Excellent! Very good!
Aerial pingpong : Australian Rules football
Amber fluid : beer
Ambo : ambulance, ambulance driver
Ankle biter : small child
Apples, she'll be : It'll be all right
Arvo : afternoon
Aussie (pron. Ozzie) : Australian
Aussie salute : brushing away flies with the hand
Avos : avocados

B
B & S : Bachelors' and Spinsters' Ball - a very enjoyable party usually held in rural areas
Back of Bourke : a very long way away
Bail (somebody) up : to corner somebody physically
Bail out : depart, usually angrily
Banana bender : a person from Queensland
Barbie : barbecue (noun)
Barrack : to cheer on (football team etc.)
Bastard : term of endearment
Bathers : swimming costume
Battler : someone working hard and only just making a living
Beaut, beauty : great, fantastic
Big-note oneself : brag, boast
Bikkie : biscuit (also "it cost big bikkies" - it was expensive)
Billabong : an ox-bow river or watering hole
Billy : teapot. Container for boiling water.
Bingle : motor vehicle accident
Bities : biting insects
Bitzer : mongrel dog (bits of this and bits of that)
Bizzo : business ("mind your own bizzo")
Black Stump, beyond the : a long way away, the back of nowhere
Bloke : man, guy
Bloody : very (bloody hard yakka)
Bloody oath! : that's certainly true
Blow in the bag : have a breathalyser test
Blowie : blow fly
Bludger : lazy person, layabout, somebody who always relies on other people to do things or lend him things
Blue : fight ("he was having a blue with his wife")
Blue, make a : make a mistake
Bluey : pack, equipment, traffic ticket, redhead
Bluey : blue cattle dog (named after its subtle markings) which is an excellent working dog. Everyone's favourite all-Aussie dog.
Bluey : heavy wool or felt jacket worn by mining and construction workers.
Bluey : bluebottle jellyfish
Bodgy : of inferior quality
Bog in : commence eating, to attack food with enthusiasm
Bog standard : basic, unadorned, without accessories (a bog standard car, telephone etc.)
Bogan : person who takes little pride in his appearance, spends his days slacking and drinking beer
Bogged : Stuck in mud, deep sand (a vehicle).
Bondi cigar : see "brown-eyed mullet"
Bonzer : great, ripper
Boogie board : a hybrid, half-sized surf board
Boomer : a large male kangaroo
Booze bus : police vehicle used for catching drunk drivers
Boozer : a pub
Bored shitless : very bored
Bottle shop : liquor shop
Bottle-o : liquor shop (originally a man with hessian bags going around picking up beer bottles in the 50's and 60's)
Bottler : something excellent
Bottling, his blood's worth : he's an excellent, helpful bloke.
Bounce : a bully
Bourke Street, he doesn't know Christmas from : he's a bit slow in the head. (Bourke Street is a brightly lit Melbourne street)
Bowl of rice, not my : not my cup of tea; I don't like it
Brass razoo, he hasn't got a : he's very poor
Brekkie : breakfast
Brick shit house, built like a : big strong bloke
Brickie : bricklayer
Brisvegas : Brisbane, state capital of Queensland
Brizzie : Brisbane, state capital of Queensland
Brown-eyed mullet : a turd in the sea (where you're swimming!)
Brumby : a wild horse
Buck's night : stag party, male gathering the night before the wedding
Buckley's, Buckley's chance : no chance ("New Zealand stands Buckley's of beating Australia at football")
Budgie smugglers : men's bathing costume
Bull bar : stout bar fixed to the front of a vehicle to protect it against hitting kangaroos (also roo bar)
Bundy : short for Bundaberg, Queensland, and the brand of rum that's made there
Bunyip : mythical outback creature
Bush : the hinterland, the Outback, anywhere that isn't in town
Bush bash : long competitive running or motorcar race through the bush
Bush oyster : nasal mucus
Bush telly : campfire
Bushie : someone who lives in the Bush
Bushman's hanky : Emitting nasal mucus by placing one index finger on the outside of the nose (thus blocking one nostril) and blowing.
Bushranger : highwayman, outlaw
Butcher : small glass of beer in South Australia - From the theory that a butcher could take a quick break from his job, have a drink and be back at work
BYO : unlicensed restaurant where you have to Bring Your Own grog, also similar party or barbecue

C
Cab Sav : Cabernet Sauvignon (a variety of wine grape)
Cactus : dead, not functioning ("this bloody washing machine is cactus")
Cane toad : a person from Queensland
Captain Cook : look (noun) ("let's have a Captain Cook")
Cark it : to die, cease functioning
Cat burying shit, as busy as a : busy
Cat's piss, as mean as : mean, stingy, uncharitable
Chewie : chewing gum
Chokkie : chocolate
Chook : a chicken
Chrissie : Christmas
Christmas : see Bourke Street
Chuck a sickie : take the day off sick from work when you're perfectly healthy
Chunder : vomit
Clacker : anus (from Latin cloaca = sewer). Also the single orifice of monotremes (platypus and echidna) used both for reproduction and for the elimination of body wastes.
Clayton's : fake, substitute
Cleanskin : Bottle of wine without a label. Usually bought in bulk by companies who then add their own personalised label and use the wine as e.g. gifts to clients
Cleanskin : cattle that have not been branded, earmarked or castrated.
Click : kilometre - "it's 10 clicks away"
Clucky : feeling broody or maternal
Coathanger : Sydney Harbour bridge
Cobber : friend
Cockie : farmer
Cockie : cockatoo
Cockie : cockroach
Cockroach : a person from New South Wales
Coldie : a beer
Come a gutser : make a bad mistake, have an accident
Compo : Workers' Compensation pay
Conch (adj. conchy) : a conscientious person. Somebody who would rather work or study than go out and enjoy him/herself.
Cooee, not within : figuratively a long way away, far off - England weren't within cooee of beating Australia at cricket
Cooee, within : nearby - I was within cooee of landing a big fish when the line broke. He lives within cooee of Sydney.
Cook (noun) : One's wife
Corker : something excellent. A good stroke in cricket might be described as a 'corker of a shot'
Corroboree : an aboriginal dance festival
Counter lunch/Countery : pub lunch
Cozzie : swimming costume
Crack a fat : get an erection
Crack onto (someone) : to hit on someone, pursue someone romantically
Cranky : in a bad mood, angry
Cream (verb) : defeat by a large margin
Crook : sick, or badly made
Crow eater : a person from South Australia
Cubby house : Small, usually timber, house in the garden used as a children's plaything.
Cut lunch : sandwiches
Cut lunch commando : army reservist
Cut snake, mad as a : very angry

D
Dag : a funny person, nerd, goof
Daks : trousers
Damper : bread made from flour and water
Date : arse[hole] ("get off your fat date")
Dead dingo's donger, as dry as a : dry
Dead horse : Tomato sauce
Deadset : true, the truth
Dero : tramp, hobo, homeless person (from "derelict")
Dickhead : see "whacker"
Digger : a soldier
Dill : an idiot
Dingo's breakfast : a yawn, a leak and a good look round (i.e. no breakfast)
Dinkum, fair dinkum : true, real, genuine ("I'm a dinkum Aussie"; "is he fair dinkum?")
Dinky-di : the real thing, genuine
Dipstick : a loser, idiot
Divvy van : Police vehicle used for transporting criminals. Named after the protective 'division' between the driver and the villains.
Dob (somebody) in : inform on somebody. Hence dobber, a tell-tale
Docket : a bill, receipt
Doco : documentary
Dog : unattractive woman
Dog's balls, stands out like : obvious
Dog's eye : meat pie
Dole bludger : somebody on social assistance when unjustified
Donger : penis
Doodle : penis
Down Under : Australia and New Zealand
Drink with the flies : to drink alone
Drongo : a dope, stupid person
Dropkick : see 'dipstick'
Drum : information, tip-off ("I'll give you the drum")
Duchess : sideboard
Duffer, cattle : rustler
Dummy, spit the : get very upset at something
Dunny : outside lavatory
Dunny budgie : blowfly
Dunny rat, cunning as a : very cunning
Durry : tobacco, cigarette
Dux : top of the class (n.); to be top of the class (v.) - "She duxed four of her subjects".

E
Earbashing : nagging, non-stop chatter
Ekka : the Brisbane Exhibition, an annual show
Esky : large insulated food/drink container for picnics, barbecues etc.
Exy : expensive

F
Face, off one's : drunk ("He was off his face by 9pm")
Fair dinkum : true, genuine
Fair go : a chance ("give a bloke a fair go")
Fair suck of the sav! : exclamation of wonder, awe, disbelief (see also "sav")
Fairy floss : candy floss, cotton candy
Feral : V8 ute (q.v.) sporting large heavy bullbar, numerous aerials, large truck mudflaps and stickers almost all over the rear window and tailgate. Sometimes seen with a Mack emblem on the bonnet and always with large (multiple) driving lights
Feral (n.) : a hippie
Figjam : "F*ck I'm good; just ask me". Nickname for people who have a high opinion of themselves.
Fisho : fishmonger
Flake : shark's flesh (sold in fish & chips shops)
Flat out like a lizard drinking : flat out, busy
Flick : to give something or somebody the flick is to get rid of it or him/her
Flick it on : to sell something, usually for a quick profit, soon after buying it.
Fly wire : gauze flyscreen covering a window or doorway.
Footy : Australian Rules football
Fossick : search, rummage ("fossicking through the kitchen drawers")
Fossick : to prospect, e.g. for gold
Fossicker : prospector, e.g. for gold
Franger : condom
Freckle : anus
Fremantle Doctor : the cooling afternoon breeze that arrives in Perth from the direction of Freeo
Freo : Fremantle in Western Australia
Frog in a sock, as cross as a : sounding angry - a person or your hard drive!
Fruit loop : fool
Full : drunk
Furphy : false or unreliable rumour

G
G'Day : hello!
Gabba : Wooloongabba - the Brisbane cricket ground
GAFA (pron. gaffa) : the big nothingness of the Australian Outback. Great Australian F**k All.
Galah : fool, silly person. Named after the bird of the same name because of its antics and the noise it makes.
Garbo, garbologist : municipal garbage collector
Give it a burl : try it, have a go
Gobful, give a : to abuse, usually justifiably ("The neighbours were having a noisy party so I went and gave them a gobful")
Gobsmacked : surprised, astounded
Going off : used of a night spot or party that is a lot of fun - "the place was really going off"
Good oil : useful information, a good idea, the truth
Good onya : good for you, well done
Goog, as full as a : drunk. "Goog" is a variation of the northern English slangword "goggie" meaning an egg.
Greenie : environmentalist
Grinning like a shot fox : very happy, smugly satisfied
Grog : liquor, beer ("bring your own grog, you bludger")
Grouse (adj.) : great, terrific, very good
Grundies : undies, underwear (from Reg Grundy, a television person)
Gutful of piss : drunk, "he's got a gutful of piss"
Gyno : gynaecologist

H
Handle : beer glass with a handle
Harold Holt, to do the : To bolt. (Also "to do the Harold")
Heaps : a lot, e.g. "thanks heaps", "(s)he earned heaps of money" etc.
Holy dooley! : an exclamation of surprise = "Good heavens!", "My goodness!" "Good grief!" or similar
Hoon : hooligan
Hooroo : goodbye
Hotel : often just a pub
Hottie : hot water bottle

I
Icy pole, ice block : popsicle, lollypop

J
Jackaroo : a male trainee station manager or station hand (a station is a big farm/grazing property)
Jillaroo : a female trainee station manager or station hand
Joey : baby kangaroo
Journo : journalist
Jug : electric kettle
Jumbuck : sheep

K
Kangaroos loose in the top paddock : Intellectually inadequate ("he's got kangaroos loose in the top paddock")
Kelpie : Australian sheepdog originally bred from Scottish collie
Kero : kerosene
Kindie : kindergarten
Knock : to criticise
Knock back : refusal (noun), refuse (transitive verb)
Knocker : somebody who criticizes

L
Lair : a flashily dressed young man of brash and vulgar behaviour, to dress up in flashy clothes, to renovate or dress up something in bad taste
Lair it up : to behave in a brash and vulgar manner
Larrikin : a bloke who is always enjoying himself, harmless prankster
Lend of, to have a : to take advantage of somebody's gullibility, to have someone on ("he's having a lend of you")
Lippy : lipstick
Liquid laugh : vomit
Lizard drinking, flat out like a : flat out, busy
Lob, lob in : drop in to see someone ("the rellies have lobbed")
Lollies : sweets, candy
London to a brick : absolute certainty ("it's London to a brick that taxes won't go down")
Long paddock : the side of the road where livestock is grazed during droughts
Longneck : 750ml bottle of beer in South Australia
Lucky Country, The : Australia, where else?
Lunch, who opened their? : OK, who farted?
Lurk : illegal or underhanded racket

M
Maccas (pron. "mackers") : McDonald's (the hamburger place)
Mallee bull, as fit as a : very fit and strong. The Mallee is very arid beef country in Victoria/South Australia.
Manchester : Household linen, eg sheets etc.
Mappa Tassie : map of Tasmania - a woman's pubic area
Mate : buddy, friend
Mate's rate, mate's discount : cheaper than usual for a "friend"
Matilda : swagman's bedding, sleeping roll
Metho : methylated spirits
Mexican : a person from south of the Queensland or New South Wales border
Mickey Mouse : excellent, very good. Beware though - in some parts of Australia it means inconsequential, frivolous or not very good!
Middy : 285 ml beer glass in New South Wales
Milk bar : corner shop that sells takeaway food
Milko : milkman
Mob : group of people, not necessarily troublesome
Mob : family or herd (?) of kangaroos
Mongrel : despicable person
Moolah : money
Mozzie : mosquito
Muddy : mud crab (a great delicacy)
Mug : friendly insult ("have a go, yer mug"), gullible person
Mull : grass (the kind you smoke)
Muster : round up sheep or cattle
Mystery bag : a sausage

N
Nasho : National Service (compulsory military service)
Naughty, have a : have sex
Never Never : the Outback, centre of Australia
Nipper : young surf lifesaver
No drama : same as 'no worries'
No worries! : Expression of forgiveness or reassurance (No problem; forget about it; I can do it; Yes, I'll do it)
No-hoper : somebody who'll never do well
Not the full quid : not bright intellectually
Nuddy, in the : naked
Nun's nasty, as dry as a : dry
Nut out : hammer out or work out (an agreement, say)

O
O.S. : overseas ("he's gone O.S.")
Ocker : an unsophisticated person
Offsider : an assistant, helper
Old fella : penis
Oldies : parents - "I'll have to ask my oldies"
Op shop : opportunity shop, thrift store, place where second hand goods are sold.
Outback : interior of Australia
Oz : Australia!

P
Paddock : see 'long paddock'
Pash : a long passionate kiss; hence "pashing on"
Pav : Pavlova - a rich, creamy Australian dessert
Perve (noun & verb) : looking lustfully at the opposite sex
Piece of piss : easy task
Pig's arse! : I don't agree with you
Piker : Someone who doesn't want to fit in with others socially, leaves parties early
Pink slip, get the : get the sack (from the colour of the termination form)
Pint : large glass of beer (esp. in South Australia)
Piss : beer. Hence "hit the piss", "sink some piss"
Plate, bring a : Instruction on party or BBQ invitation to bring your own food. It doesn't mean they're short of crockery!
Plonk : cheap wine
Pokies : poker machines, fruit machines, gambling slot machines
Polly : politician
Pom, pommy : an Englishman
Pommy bastard : an Englishman
Pommy shower : using deodorant instead of taking a shower
Pommy's towel, as dry as a : very dry - based on the canard that Poms bathe about once a month
Porky : Lie, untruth (pork pie = lie)
Port : suitcase (portmanteau)
Postie : postman, mailman
Pot : 285 ml beer glass in Queensland and Victoria
Pozzy : position - get a good pozzy at the football stadium
Prezzy : present, gift

Q
Quid, make a : earn a living - "are you making a quid?"
Quid, not the full : of low IQ. [Historical note: 'quid' is slang for a pound. £1 became $2 when Australia converted to decimal currency]

R
Rack off : push off! get lost! get out of here! also "rack off hairy legs!".
Rage : party
Rage on : to continue partying - "we raged on until 3am"
Rapt : pleased, delighted
Ratbag : mild insult
Raw prawn, to come the : to bullshit, to be generally disagreeable
Reckon! : you bet! Absolutely!
Reffo : refugee
Rego : vehicle registration
Rellie or relo : family relative
Ridgy-didge : original, genuine
Right, she : it'll be all right
Right, that'd be : Accepting bad news as inevitable. ("I went fishing but caught nothing." "Yeah, that'd be right.")
Rip snorter : great, fantastic - "it was a rip snorter of a party"
Ripper : great, fantastic - "it was a ripper party"
Ripper, you little! : Exclamation of delight or as a reaction to good news
Road train : big truck with many trailers
Rock up : to turn up, to arrive - "we rocked up at their house at 8pm"
Rollie : a cigarette that you roll yourself
Roo : kangaroo
Roo bar : stout bar fixed to the front of a vehicle to protect it against hitting kangaroos (also bull bar)
Rookwood, crook as : to be unwell or sick (Rookwood is Sydney's largest cemetry)
Root (verb and noun) : synonym for f*ck in nearly all its senses: "I feel rooted"; "this washing machine is rooted"; "(s)he's a good root". A very useful word in fairly polite company.
Root rat : somebody who is constantly looking for sex.
Ropeable : very angry
Rort (verb or noun) : Cheating, fiddling, defrauding (expenses, the system etc.). Usually used of politicians
Rotten : drunk - "I went out last night and got rotten"
Rubbish (verb) : to criticize

S
Salute, Aussie : brushing flies away
Salvos, the : Salvation Army, bless them
Sandgroper : a person from Western Australia
Sanger : a sandwich
Sav : saveloy (see also "fair suck of the sav!")
Schooner : large beer glass in Queensland; medium beer glass in South Australia
Scratchy : instant lottery ticket
Screamer : party lover; "two pot screamer" - somebody who gets drunk on very little alcohol
Seppo : an American
Servo : petrol station
Shag on a rock, stands out like a : very obvious
Shark biscuit : somebody new to surfing
She'll be right : it'll turn out okay
Sheila : a woman
Shit house (adj.) : of poor quality, unenjoyable ("this car is shit house", "the movie was shit house")
Shit house (noun) : toilet, lavatory
Shonky : dubious, underhanded. E.g. a shonky practice, shonky business etc.
Shoot through : to leave
Shout : turn to buy - a round of drinks usually ("it's your shout")
Show pony : someone who tries hard, by his dress or behaviour, to impress those around him.
Sickie : day off sick from work (chuck a sickie = take the day off sick from work when you're perfectly healthy!)
Skite : boast, brag
Skull/Skol (a beer) : to drink a beer in a single draught without taking a breath
Slab : a carton of 24 bottles or cans of beer
Sleepout : house verandah converted to a bedroom
Smoko : smoke or coffee break
Snag : a sausage
Sook : person or animal who is soft, tame, inoffensive. Hence sooky (adj.)
Spag bol : spaghetti bolognese
Spewin' : very angry
Spiffy, pretty spiffy : great, excellent
Spit the dummy : get very upset at something
Spruiker : man who stands outside a nightclub or restaurant trying to persuade people to enter
Sprung : caught doing something wrong
Spunk : a good looking person (of either sex)
Squizz (noun) : look - "take a squizz at this"
Standover man : a large man, usually gang-related, who threatens people with physical violence in order to have his wishes carried out.
Station : a big farm/grazing property
Stickybeak : nosy person
Stoked : very pleased
Stonkered : drunk
Strewth : exclamation, mild oath ("Strewth, that Chris is a bonzer bloke")
Strides : trousers
Strine : Australian slang and pronunciation
Stubby : a 375ml. beer bottle
Stubby holder : polystyrene insulated holder for a stubby
Stuffed, I feel : I'm tired
Stuffed, I'll be : expression of surprise
Sunbake : sunbathe
Sunnies : sunglasses
Surfies : people who go surfing - usually more often than they go to work!
Swag : rolled up bedding etc. carried by a swagman
Swaggie : swagman
Swagman : tramp, hobo

T
Tall poppies : successful people
Tall poppy syndrome : the tendency to criticize successful people
Tallie : 750ml bottle of beer
Taswegian : derogatory term for a person from Tasmania
Technicolor yawn : vomit
Tee-up : to set up (an appointment)
Thingo : Wadjamacallit, thingummy, whatsit
Thongs : cheap rubber backless sandals
Throw-down : small bottle of beer which you can throw down quickly.
Tickets, to have on oneself : to have a high opinion of oneself
Tinny : can of beer
Tinny : small aluminium boat
Tinny, tin-arsed : lucky
Togs : swim suit
Too right! : definitely!
Top End : far north of Australia
Trackie daks/dacks : tracksuit pants
Trackies : track suit
Troppo, gone : to have escaped to a state of tropical madness; to have lost the veneer of civilisation after spending too long in the tropics.
Trough lolly : the solid piece of perfumed disinfectant in a men's urinal
Truckie : truck driver
True blue : patriotic
Tucker : food
Tucker-bag : food bag
Turps : turpentine, alcoholic drink
Turps, hit the : go on a drinking binge
Two up : gambling game played by spinning two coins simultaneously

U
Uni : university
Unit : flat, apartment
Up oneself : have a high opinion of oneself - "he's really up himself"
Up somebody, get : to rebuke somebody - "the boss got up me for being late"
Useful as an ashtray on a motorbike / tits on a bull : unhelpful or incompetent person or thing - "he, she or it is about as useful as tits on a bull" etc. etc.
Ute : utility vehicle, pickup truck

V
Vedgies : vegetables
Vee dub : Volkswagen
Veg out : relax in front of the TV (like a vegetable)
Vejjo : vegetarian
Vinnie's : St. Vincent De Paul's (charity thrift stores and hostels)

W
WACA (pron. whacker) : Western Australian Cricket Association and the Perth cricket ground
Waggin' school : playing truant
Walkabout : a walk in the Outback by Aborigines that lasts for an indefinite amount of time
Walkabout, it's gone : it's lost, can't be found
Weekend warrior : army reservist
Whacker, whacka : Idiot; somebody who talks drivel; somebody with whom you have little patience; a dickhead
Whinge : complain
White pointers : topless (female) sunbathers
Whiteant (verb) : to criticise something to deter somebody from buying it. A car dealer might whiteant another dealer's cars or a real estate salesman might whiteant another agent's property
Wobbly : excitable behaviour ("I complained about the food and the waiter threw a wobbly")
Wobbly boot on, he's got the : drunk
Wog : flu or trivial illness
Wog : person of Mediterranean origin. A milder insult than the same word in the UK and perhaps elsewhere.
Wombat : somebody who eats, roots and leaves (see also root)
Woop Woop : invented name for any small unimportant town - "he lives in Woop Woop"
Wowser : straight-laced person, prude, puritan, spoilsport
Wuss : coward; nervous person or animal

X
XXXX : pronounced Four X, brand of beer made in Queensland

Y
Yabber : talk (a lot)
Yabby : inland freshwater crayfish found in Australia (Cherax destructor)
Yakka : work (noun)
Yewy : u-turn in traffic ("chuck a yewy at the next traffic lights")
Yobbo : an uncouth person

Z
Zack : sixpence (5 cents) - "it isn't worth a zack", "he hasn't got a zack"

[Croc'n'loz]

Its probly good that we all dont speak the same language worldwide :)

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hmmmm will only upload 8 pics at a time!!

[Croc'n'loz]

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[Croc'n'loz]

last of 3 posts

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[Fenriz]

lol, dick lick springs, wonder what that entails :P

[Croc'n'loz]

Eddie Izzard - Death Star Canteen :grin:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv5iEK-IEzw&feature=related (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv5iEK-IEzw&feature=related)

[Fenriz]

very funny :P

[Mzor]

Lol. 'Twas hilarious.